so much, so little

It has been almost 2 months since I last posted. It's funny how time just seems to get away from you. Especially this time of year. I love the fall! It signals the end of extreme heat waves and brings cool evenings, warm comforting dinners and a little more family time as the day turns to night a little earlier. But it is also the beginning of the busiest time for us as most people. From the middle of September until after the end of the year we have something going on almost every single weekend. It is dizzy and exhausting trying to keep track yet I couldn't imagine it any other way. September is our oldest son's birthday as well as mine and my husband's anniversary. October brings in our birthday's along with Halloween. The best holiday of the year! November is Thanksgiving and December is, of course, Christmas. But sprinkled in amongst all of that are assorted friend and families birthdays, anniversaries, events, etc. It seems every year it is harder to find a free day to go to the pumpkin patch, yet I wouldn't want to miss that for the world. When else do we get to trample through fields acting like kids to find the biggest pumpkin we can possibly carry. The one that is perfectly round or perhaps has that perfect funny shape just right for a unique face. I love the fun of the hay ride out to the pumpkin fields. It is bumpy and uncomfortable, and last year almost impossible to get on and off of being pregnant, but exciting and rustic. I've never lived in an extremely rural community and don't know that I would enjoy the solidarity that country life can bring but I love getting to visit once a year. They have a petting zoo, corn maze and even a little train. Not to mention all the homemade baked goodies. Since I have a birthday in October it is kind of like a birthday field trip every year and I get to pick my favorite goodies. Well you get the point, I love the fall and the pumpkin trip very much. And this year has seemed exceptionally busy with parties, bbq's, birthdays et al. However, all of that seems to pale after getting a phone call last night.

My best friend Alexis called last night to tell me her dad passed away. What!? Oh my lord. I could not have been more shocked, so I can only begin to imagine how she must be feeling. Her dad was a very unique and special man. Standing at almost 7' tall he was an intimidating presence with the heart of a lamb. He was the kind of person who could talk your ear off and could talk to just about anyone. He had great stories and a giant LOVE of airplanes and just about anything that flew. He would make you laugh when you were sad and comfort you when you cried. He was the embodiment of fun and a great protector. I spent many, many nights at Lexi's house when we were younger. We would stay up all night talking and laughing and 9 times out of 10 her dad was right there with us being as silly as we were. I just can not express the heartache I have right now for my friend. Being my very best friend she is, in many ways, an extension of me. I love her more than words can say and hate the fact that there is nothing I can do to ease her pain and anguish. I want to just hug her and never let go. To take her pain away so it doesn't hurt and make her cry. And being that we don't even live in the same city it saddens me more to know that I have to send her long distance sympathy and hugs for now.

I know that in life there if a beginning and an end on this earth. I also know that it never seems fair or just. No one is ever prepared for the death of a loved one, no matter how much you are expecting it. Sometimes just the shock of a death is more than we feel we can endure. Yet I also know, that for most people, life will continue on. It may take a lot of time to really make it a reality of our everyday life but we do move on. How can we not when we have our own families to still care for and help grow? I've heard people say that as a parent, losing a child is one of the hardest things a person would ever have to go through. But is it really? I know that a child is the culmination of the love of two people. Yet isn't that, in many ways the same for losing a parent? As a child of parents who loved each other you are a product of that love. So isn't it still like losing a piece of you when your parent passes? I don't know that is matters who actually passes in your life. If you had any kind of love or bond for that person it is a devestating blow. A shock on the heart and soul. We rely on our loved ones to help up mend but only our hearts can really lead us back to what is our everyday. We do not have to forget but we have to adjust and realize that there are good days and bad. No matter how cliche that may be. It is true. And it is also true that with each passing, day, month, year, and decade it gets a little easier to bear. The burden of loss but also the gift of relief to those who have suffered.

I know that some of this may not make much since to anyone but me. That's okay. I just needed to release some of this emotion and sorrow I feel not only for the loss of life but for my friend. May every day start to pass easier and a little less painfully. May she be empowered by her own family and live every day to it's fullest extent. And on that note, I'd just like to say, may every one live their lives every single day to the fullest possible extent for you never know what may lie around the corner.